50 Ways to Know You’ve Become Maltese

14th February 2017

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Every country in the world has its own unique quirks, and Malta is no exception! Love them or hate them – they’re here for all of us! Below is a list of 50 things that probably every person, foreign or local, who’s grown up here or lived here for some time can definitely relate to!

And if you’ve lived here long enough – you’ve probably adopted many of them yourself 🙂 I know I have!

So here goes – You know you’ve been in Malta for long enough when …

You use the word mela in every 2nd sentence. Sometimes 3 times in a row.
Whenever you travel to mainland Europe, life over there seems almost unbearably hectic.
You go to Gozo for every carnival and put significant effort into dressing up.
You LOVE puns of any shape or size, intended or not.
You’re sick to your stomach about Malteser-jokes that foreigners keep making.
10 degrees centigrade feels like winter from hell and you dress up in a fur coat.
The (25 km + ferry) trip from Sliema to Gozo requires significant pre-planning
You go out of your way to help people, even if they’re complete strangers.
Explosive boom sounds never phase you. They’re probably just fireworks.
When you come to a city that has a subway, you are prepared to spend a day just riding it.
It feels perfectly normal to have pastizzi at least 3 times a week.
You travel to Sicily for the weekend at least once a year.
Every time you do, you complain about the increasingly expensive ferry tickets, but keep on going back.
No Sunday will pass without a Sunday Lunch with extended family.
You feel somewhat bizarre when you visit a country with an efficient public transit system.
You’re used to the waitress asking you “yes?” when you sit down and don’t consider it impolite.
You are convinced that Malta is very strategically located.
Sea water is either “hot” or “cold” – who cares about the degrees!
You have absolutely no idea what the drink driving limit is, but you know it’s high!
Your choice of beer is Cisk, and if you feel extra adventurous then Carlsberg.
When you go to a pub to order a Cisk, you simply ask for “a lager”.
You hate nearly everything about Air Malta, but don’t want them to go bankrupt, either.
All of your emails are written as politely as you’d be writing to the President herself.
Meanwhile, telephone calls with the same people are as friendly as if you’ve known them for 20 years.
You’re 35 but still live with your parents.
You think people who are from Gozo all know each other on a first name basis.
You think people from “The North” (Sliema and Surroundings) are all uptight, posh and pretentious.
You think people from “The South” (Anything South and East of the Airport) are working-class and loud with fiery personalities.
Leaving your car just for a minute to grab a pastizz (or some pastizzi) isn’t considered parking, hence double yellow doesn’t apply.
You take great offence when someone asks if Timpana is “basically a lasagne but with penne, rather than flat noodles”
When driving a car, you can’t resist pulling down the windows and resting your arm partially out of the window.
You think beer is a soft drink, not an alcoholic beverage.
You don’t know anyone aged <60 who has a given name that isn’t an English name.
You consider Malta the best and worst place on earth at the same time.
If the place you need to go is more than a 20-minute drive away you consider it too far and look for closer alternatives.
You don’t understand how anyone can live in this country and not own a car.
Depending on which side you’re on, you think the respective Political Party Leader is either the greatest man on the planet or an utter douchebag, but nothing in between.
You order all of your electronics online, whilst considering it normal that shipping takes 2 weeks or longer.
You would rather circle the area 4 times and end up parking illegally than use a paid car park.
You’ve been to at least one Eurovision party, wilfully or not.
Every year, deep down in your heart, you know that Chiara should’ve won. Three times.
Being less than 15 minutes late for an appointment is considered being ‘on time’
Honking your horn before a blind curve is normal and should be added to the Highway Code.
You prefer to speak in Maltese but read and write in English.
Your house isn’t properly decorated for Christmas unless you can see the lights from at least a mile away.
Orrajt is a valid substitute for “hello”, “how are you?”, “great, and you?”, “okay then” and “goodbye”.
You have taken Twistees and Kinnie on your trips back home to have your family and friends taste them.
You dream of a future where public transport is a reliable means to get to your destination.
You are a member of Facebook groups like The Salott and/or Are You Being Served? (Malta)
You can eat way more food in one sitting than you used to before you moved to Malta.